Well whaddya know?

I forgot all about this blog! I accidentally stumbled upon it while procrastinating.

Well let's see.. how much has changed since my last post?

It's my last semester.

I have a part time job that has nothing to do with what I spent four years of my life studying, but just may end up being my career.

The only downside is, my brother is my boss. Which means things are likely to turn ugly any second. A few weeks ago I had a fight with him, because he was being a jerk, and the only reasonable reaction I had was to quit, which I know is unprofessional, but I am just unable to separate work stuff & personal stuff.

The upside, though, is that my cousin is my other boss. He talked to me and managed to flatter my ego enough to make me take back my resignation letter (email). We decided that from that moment on, when it comes to work-related stuff, I only deal with him. My brother has no authority over me at work.

That rule no longer applies ofcourse because my brother & I have since made up.

Work is literally two minutes away. Seven if I decide to walk. Five if I pick up my pace. However, things are a tad boring. And 8 hours a day, 3 times a week is a lot when my 6 days of uni are put into perspective. 8 hours a day, 3 times a week is suicide when you factor in my graduation project, and extra course overload.

Sometimes I ask myself, why? Why do this to myself? I barely have time to enjoy simple luxuries like a purposeless drive into town. I missed an engagement party last week because I had work. Granted we're not that close, but still. I can't go over to any of my friends' & watch a movie over nutella & toast anymore. Why am I doing this to myself?

Wait. I don't even know why I'm complaining. I don't really hate it that much. And even though I do miss out on so many social activities, most of the time I don't really want to go and the job just gives me a viable excuse.

What am I doing? I'm procrastinating again. I have a midterm tomorrow. I need to go study. Toodles.

pa pa pa poker face pa pa poker face

today at work i finally spoke up during the meeting. pitched in a couple of ideas and my boss loved them! u know what, i think im good at this magazine bizniz thing. i under estimate myself all the time, when im actually quite good, i think i am.

i wanna daaaance.

i went to agami last weekend. had such a good time! even though whenever i mentioned agami to any of my cairo friends they told me i was lame, i had a much much better time than i did at marassi, andrea, sky and the rest of the "hip" elitist places, where stilettos and pretenses overfill.

i enjoyed shaking it to the familiar billboard tunes at tj much more than i wouldve, attempting to move to boring house beats.

i just love chris cornell's billie jean version. listening to it right now, with my pretty doggie by my feet. i'm sitting on my porch in my short green dress, totally exposed to any passer-by, not that there are any. the suburbs are pretty.

i need love, love, love.

i need to know who that guy i keep seeing in random unexpected places is. we keep eye flirting. who are you and why wont u just come talk to me? i wont turn around & leave i promise, like i did with that guy from the beach, who wasnt even interested in me after all haha, but in a friend.

what else do i need?

i need to get back on track.

sometimes when things stop making sense it’s best to slowly remove yourself from everything & become a secret little ghost. unplugging your phone, leaving the internet, refusing to speak. you can drift through your days in a fog & not think much about anything because thinking would lead to too many things & your frail little heart may be too full of sadness to really want to bring those things up. well my handsome little ghosties, usually this hiding away only leads to being a ghost much longer than anticipated. these ghostly vacations do not solve anything. they store your problems in a locked case deep in your glass hearts & once the box is full it will explode & then & then & then you’ll be haunted. let’s try something new. ghost to ghost secret: it will be tough & it may hurt a tiny bit but think of how bad a glass-heart explosion could hurt! grab my hand & please listen: being a ghost is oh so easy but is it as satisfying as we first believed? no no no. so let’s change. it will take a very brave heart. we must say what we believe! fight for what we believe! never back down. we must call on our close friends when we just feel like escaping. we must NOT escape. we must say yes to invitations to be surrounded by people who truly care. we must say no when we mean no. we must say yes when our heart says ‘yes yes yes’ but our fears make us want to say ‘no no no’. we must TALK. we must share our silly stories. we must not fear how we come off to strangers. we must believe that the people who will love us & stay with us will be drawn to everything we do, every piece of our unlocked heart they see. being a ghost is quite easy & the easy way hardly ever leads to the most rewarding outcome.

let’s grab hands & watch the colour return to our cheeks.

this was what motivated me to stop being a ghost. to start living, start taking chances.

today I went to the pool with my friends. got an okay tan. instant confidence booster. i called a few friends, apologized for being an ass/not calling back/not following through on plans. they were all lovely, it was simpler than expected.

i also got my hair done.

with pretty hair & rose-tinted cheeks, when i look in the mirror, i do not desire to punch that reflection.

baby steps :)

what am I doing?

what am i doing what am i doing?

why haven't i been answering my phone and why haven't i left my room in days? why haven't i walked my dog in weeks? why do i have a bruise on my thigh? why is my hair sticking out in all directions and how can i possibly be tan-less, when the golden rays have been shining for months now? how many reruns have i watched? how many pounds have i regained? how much chocolate have i consumed in the past 4 days? how many promises have i broken? how many people have i driven away? how many opportunities have i missed out on? how much more can i possibly take?

what am i doing?